“Will everything be ok?”
If you’re like me, you have found 186 different ways to ask this question just to hear your doctor say the words, “Everything will be ok.”
But they don’t. Because they can’t. They just don’t know.
That is the absolute worst part of having pregnancy complications.
You just want to know everything will turn out fine.
You want to know that you’ll stay pregnant long enough to deliver a healthy baby. But the people who understand your pregnancy the most (you and your medical team) have no idea.
Anything could happen.
You’re pulled in two different directions.
When a well-meaning relative or a friend waves off your anxieties by telling you, “Don’t worry, everything will be ok” you roll your eyes.
How do you know? You think think to yourself. Even my doctors don’t know. Do you have information that my board-certified perinatologist doesn’t have? Do you know something that I haven’t found after weeks of searching on WebMD and BabyCenter?
Yet as you get ready to go to sleep at night, you stare off into the darkness and wish with all your might that someone, anyone, could actually tell you everything will be ok.
You go through so many conflicting and intense emotions.
Some days it makes you sad, the tears just flowing down your face like an endless downpour of rain. You feel heartbroken for what you feel you’re putting your baby through.
Some days, the tears burn from anger and resentment.
What did you do to deserve this? How can no one have any more answers? How is that possible?!
And some days there are no tears.
You’re burned out from having to fight for what comes so easily to other women. Not knowing what could happen at any second is exhausting. You don’t know what else to do or say.
You feel numb.
You’re just tired.
It comes complete sense.
Not knowing what could happen to the person in your life you love the most can make you feel a tornado of emotions.
They can either lead you down a dark hole leaving you feeling depressed. Or they can rile you up so much you can’t sleep because of the anxiety. (Tweet that!)
Finding the answer to your question
I’m not going to tell you to stop asking that question. Suppressing that desire to want to know everything will be ok is unrealistic and unfair to expect from a mom fighting for her baby.
Go ahead. Ask that question. To yourself, to your doctor, to your loved ones. It’s ok. Ask it.
But then follow it up with this answer.
The one answer that everyone can agree on, including your doctor. The one answer that is 100% true.
I don’t know if everything will be ok. But I do know, in this moment, I’m ok. My baby is ok. We are ok.
Repeat that to yourself every time this question pops into your mind.
Focus on what’s happening right now. In this moment.
The present is what you have control over and that’s what you can celebrate.
It will help you mark off the hours, days and times you’re watching pass by until you hit the next big milestone. It will help you feel calmer, which is essential for your health and your baby’s health.
I know you’re anxious. I know you would do anything for a crystal ball to tell you what’s going to happen.
But you have to just take it one day, one hour at a time. Don’t look too far ahead. Trust that you’re being taken care (or find a new doctor if you are doubtful of the care you’re receiving). Focus on what’s happening now.
You can do this.
Want to feel less helpless and more in control? Stress and anxiety are associated with risks such as preterm labor, hypertension and preterm delivering.
To feel calmer and more in charge of your pregnancy, grab your FREE copy of 7 Strategies to Manage Your High-Risk checklist now..
When you’re faced with the unknowns and wishing desperately for someone to guarantee you that everything will be ok, how do you cope?
What do you tell yourself or do that makes you feel calmer?
Leave your thoughts in the comments below. I would love to hear from you!