The death & non-death losses we experience on the family-building journey are uniquely painful. From the loss of fertility to the loss of a healthy pregnancy or baby. The loss of how you thought you'd become a parent, to the loss of choice. Of course, also, the loss of a life.
There is also much misunderstanding about what grieving "should be". We hear messages of "moving on" as if talking about the death or non-death loss is a sign of being stuck in the past. (It's not!) We also hear, "you have to let it out!" if we appear to be "too strong".
The real difference: grieving that leads to healing feels like it flows.
It doesn't make your body tight. It doesn't take your breath away. It's not tied to anxiety, anger or guilt. Yes, even as you've healed there will be tears sometimes!
Grieving from a place of stuckness feels frozen.
There's no relief with tears, they come almost like without your consent. You feel scared to think or talk about the loss. I hear from women who believe this is their new normal - that saying goodbye to their child was so painful they can't imagine remembering without it hurting.
This is often because grief has become attached to the trauma of the loss. If you've been following along on my recent posts, you'll know I'll say this means you can't think or talk yourself into healing.
You have to feel safe in your body first.
Grief healing is essentially remembering in love instead of remembering in pain. When you feel safe in your body, it's possible to experience healing quickly & without retraumatization.
We address this + so much more in the Path to Baby program.