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Why Searching For Answers Doesn't Lower Your Anxiety (and 5 things to do instead)

When you find out your pregnancy has become complicated and high-risk, it's very natural to ask WHY.

Why is my cervix funneling?

Why am I bleeding?

Why do I need bedrest?

Why is this happening??

That three letter word can drive you insane.

You find yourself thinking about it all day every day. You think about everything you ate, every decision you made to figure out what you did to cause these complications.

And even if you know this wasn't your fault (because let's be real you can't control your placenta's position at all!), you still want to know why. Why you? Why now?

That three letter word makes you doubt.

Every decision you have to make going forward, whether it's about your activity level, what you eat, what medications to take, is filled with uncertainty because you don't want to cause another complication.

Not only do you turn to the internet to brace yourself for what could happen, but Dr. Google also becomes a source of potential answers to that incessant question: WHY?

In this audio, I share with you:

  • How looking for answers is counterproductive to lowering your anxiety

  • A common myth about searching for the answer to why

  • 5 simple steps to stop your endless search for answers

The Short and Sweet

A complicated pregnancy is a life-altering experience and it changes you.

To cope and heal from it, you must integrate the experience into your life, your story, and your journey.

5 ways to lower your anxiety without searching for answers

  1. Shift your focus. Instead of asking "why did this happen?" ask "what have i gained from it?"

  2. Acknowledge the reality of the loss. Moms often search for the answer for “why” to cope with the sadness that they aren’t experiencing the happy, healthy pregnancy they had hoped for.

  3. Accept that you may not get answers. Ruminating over the questions, obsessively chasing labels and names only function to keep you stuck.

  4. Use the time you are spending on the internet on other areas of your life. Call a friend, learn to crochet and make scarves as gifts, watch a movie to distract yourself from the continuous questions in your mind about why this is happening.

  5. Make a list of your questions for your doctor. Searching for answers could be a sign that there’s a communication gap between you and your doctor. Make a list of your questions and take it to your doctor to make sense of the information you’re finding as it pertains to your specific situation.


True healing from the anxiety of a high-risk pregnancy comes from inside of you not from answers from the outside world. (Tweet that!)

Your Turn!

Do you find yourself obsessively searching for answers for why this happened to you? How do you cope with that?

Leave a comment below. I would love to hear from you!

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