No one gets it.
No one understands the fear that you live with every single day.
Well-meaning loved ones tell you to relax, kick up your feet during bed rest. Enjoy the time off before the baby comes. Don’t worry everything will be fine. Just be positive.
As if it were that easy.
You want to ask them if they have a crystal ball because How are you so sure everything will be ok?! Even my doctors don’t know that!
Whether you’re on bed rest and completely isolated from the world or still working and socializing, surrounded by people all day, having a high-risk pregnancy is a lonely experience.
There’s a voice in the back of your head that is always whispering, if not shouting, “what if something bad happens?”
It’s like a constant, irritating beep that you just cannot turn off even though you’re desperate for some silence.
That’s something most people don’t understand.
You may be watching a movie. Teaching yourself to crochet. Reading a book. Talking to your partner. Writing a report for work. Giving a presentation. Trying to sleep.
That voice doesn’t go quiet.
The journey from the double pink lines on the pregnancy test to bringing a chubby baby home has completely changed.
It’s left you in a dense forest without a map with the weight of your baby’s life on your shoulders.
That’s a scary, overwhelming and very lonely place to be.
Who wouldn’t be an emotional mess?
The emotional rollercoaster that you're on is made so much crazier by the fact that you don't know who to talk to.
No one understands what you go through day to day, minute to minute. You even feel distant from your partner who’s wanting to be more hopeful and announce milestones while you just want to keep it all to yourself.
The reality is that just a few weeks ago you may not have known what a high risk pregnancy was.
Or you might have known that complicated pregnancies happen but you too didn’t know exactly what it took to get through every moment of every day fighting for your baby.
Choose a few and let them in.
Support is critical during a high-risk pregnancy and without it, your mood can plummet further, your anxiety soar higher.
Choose 2 or 3 loved ones aside from your partner who you really trust and who you really want to be there with you on this journey.
Be mindful of the fact that they truly have no idea what you're going through.
It's not because they don't want to or because they are trying to push your feelings away. They don't know because they haven't been there.
Make it a point to let them in.
Drop your guard around them and tell them the truth. Tell them what you need and then ask them for it.
Ask them to check in on you once in awhile. To visit on a weekend. To listen and stay quiet when you just need to vent. To brainstorm with you when you need to figure out how to balance work and your activity restrictions.
Tell them.
They need you to teach them how to support you.
Because they’re people you trust, your feel confident they’re up for the challenge to support you the way you need the most.
The reality about friendships and high-risk pregnancies.
The reality is, there are going to be some friendships you lose forever because of this experience. There going to be some friendships when you need to take a step back from while you're fighting for your baby. And there are going to be some friendships who are up for fighting right along with you and those are the ones you want to keep near and dear to you.
Just as much as you need their help getting through this, they need your help knowing how. (Tweet that!)
Join the community
Meet other moms who understand how important low stress and anxiety is during a high-risk pregnancy. Join the Community of Hope to learn how to cope with the ups and downs.
Your turn!
Do you feel like no one understand what you’re going through with your complicated pregnancy? How do you cope with that feeling of loneliness?