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How Do You Know You've Healed from Fertility, Pregnancy & Birth Trauma?



This is the most common question when it comes to healing from fertility, pregnancy and birth trauma.


When will it be over? When will I be healed? When is it over?


Unfortunately it's not a simple answer.


The short answer is this: healing is not an end point. It is not a completed checklist. It is not a destination.


The long answer is: Healing is a lifestyle.



You don't go to the gym, hit your weight lifting goal or your weight loss goal, celebrate and then stop going, expecting the results to last, right?⁠


You don't brush for 30 years and then stop doing it because you've done enouigh, expecting your teeth to stay healthy, right?⁠


You don't get 8 hours of sleep for a week and then stop sleeping expecting to feel rested because you already slept, right?⁠


This is the same for trauma healing. Just like for diet, exercise, sleep hygiene, trauma healing is a lifestyle. There's no one moment where you cross the finish line and say I'm DONE!⁠


Like all aspects of our health, trauma healing requires maintenance.


This might sound overwhelming at first. I have had women tell me that it sounds exhausting to know that healing will be a lifelong effort. I hear you.


However, I think it's important to talk about because I don't want you beating yourself up for "not getting there" or not being "over it". I'd rather you be informed about the realities of trauma healing.


Yes, the initial efforts can feel hard, just like the first time you go to the gym after years of taking time off. But it should not be painful. Let me repeat that because this is a common misconception of trauma healing:


The healing should not hurt as much or more than the traumatic experience itself.


If it does, please find another provider, practitioner or modality to help guide you on your healing journey.


Like going to the gym, the more often you go, the easier it becomes, not because the work becomes easier, but because YOU become stronger.⁠ The beauty of trauma healing is that it creates a self-fulfilling, positive feedback loop. All you have to do is keep turning the wheel. Your body will do the rest.


In fact, calling it "work" makes it sounds so much harder than it really is.


All you are doing is retraining your nervous system and all that takes is creating new habits. Just like you learned how to brush your teeth when you were younger or you make your bed before you leave the house. At first, it takes effort because it's new.


The more you do it, the more it becomes a part of your everyday life that you don't even think about as a "thing" to do.


That is healing.

If that still sounds exhausting to you, I have two more things to share:


First, the fact that healing has no discrete end point also means there's no starting point. You start where you are. Wherever that may be. And you take one step forward. And if that's all you can do for a while, that's exactly where you need to be. Follow your body to avoid retraumatization and exhaustion. Healing is not something you can push through just like you cannot go into the gym and pick up 200 lb weights the first time just because you want to get there already.


Go at the pace that feels safe & that is how you create a healing lifestyle.⁠


Secondly, I promise the exhaustion of unresolved trauma is much, much worse than the "work" it seems to shift your body to heal. Right now you're living in danger mode, like you're being chased by a bear every second of every day.


When you begin your healing journey, it is not going to be perfect. It will not be linear. It will also not always be hard. But very quickly (I mean within weeks) you should experience relief. Rest. Time to feel some reprieve. I know that may sound crazy, unfamiliar or scary because you don't even know what that could feel like.


But I promise it is MUCH less exhausting than the familiar life of unresolved trauma.


If you're ready to create a healing lifestyle, supported by women from around the world who are committed to ditching bandaid relief in exchange for long-term health, you'll love Healing Hearts. See you on the inside!

Mind-body health & wellness training, coaching and consultations do not provide medical advice and are not meant to replace advice given by the client's medical or mental health service provider. Sessions are not psychotherapy. Legal disclaimer.

© 2019 Parijat Deshpande, LLC. All rights reserved.