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Why No One Gets Over a Pregnancy Loss or Infant Loss

“I don’t think anyone can get over that loss.”

I read that the other day & it got me thinking. Where does this idea of “getting over” a loss even come from? Why is “getting over” it even the goal? What does “getting over” it even mean?

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ There are 2 misconceptions at play under this expectation. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

  • that at some point your pregnancy or infant loss should not make you sad

  • that if you’re sad, you must also be in pain

Neither of these are true.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The goal of healing from a loss is NOT to never feel sad again. The goal is also not to learn how to tolerate & cope with the pain forever. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The goal is to separate the sadness (grief) from the pain (trauma). Heal the pain & allow the sadness.