“I don’t think anyone can get over that loss.”
I read that the other day & it got me thinking. Where does this idea of “getting over” a loss even come from? Why is “getting over” it even the goal? What does “getting over” it even mean?
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ There are 2 misconceptions at play under this expectation. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
that at some point your pregnancy or infant loss should not make you sad
that if you’re sad, you must also be in pain
Neither of these are true.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The goal of healing from a loss is NOT to never feel sad again. The goal is also not to learn how to tolerate & cope with the pain forever. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The goal is to separate the sadness (grief) from the pain (trauma). Heal the pain & allow the sadness.
(See my post from a few days back about grief vs trauma with loss.) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The goal is to remember with peace. Yes, peace can include tears. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Sadness after miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, infant loss, preemie loss, etc., even years later, is not a sign you’re “stuck” or not “over it”.
But if you find yourself experiencing the sadness with pain - where tears don’t being relief & it feels like the loss is happening over & over - this is trauma. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ For more about this, check out episode 128 of Delivering Miracles®.
Ready for more?
If you’re TTC after loss(es) and want to learn how to support your body to have a healthy high-risk pregnancy plus how to make the medical system work for you to reduce the risk of medical errors, check out the Path to Baby program & schedule your call.